Monday, March 9, 2015

Twilight Series

By Stephenie Meyer

Oh boy, where do I start? Basically Twilight is exectly what you think it is. If you think it is a romance story best suited for 13 year old girls, then you are right. If you are a 13 year old girl, I would listen to this audiobook while you are doing homework. If you are a 30 year old man at his day job, I would say you’d be better suited to enjoy something like… Anything else.

I endured this book for two reasons: 1. Because it was so big in my time. 2. So I can write this review.

My next thought: This series would have been great if Bella had been left out. It’s basically her diary on how she loves the smell of Edwards breath. There are gobs of scenes where she is smelling it. It’s like the same non-sex scene through out the entire series. Light kissing and breath sniffing. 

What made this even worse was the narrator Ilyana Kadushin’s very unfortunate accent. Could someone Please! buy Stephenie Meyer a friggin thesaurus? I wonder if anyone has counted how many time the word “horrible” is used. What is worst is that Kadushin says Harrible the entire time, along with Flarida, Priarities, and Sawns (sans). Is that how people talk in the North West? Gross.

There are two bright spots in this series and Im not talking about the sparkling vampires. That is Jacob was pretty cool. Sometimes a different narrator was used for him. (Kadushan called him Jay-Cup) Also the last book was slightly more about vampires. It was 10x better than the first book.

I thought it was a little hokie how the vampires had special abilities on top of being vampires, like they were basically super heroes and also weird how Jacob wasn’t actually a werewolf, and what he was, he was very in control of. Spoiler? Impossible.

This audiobook series was a colossal waste of time. I’m glad I was listening while I was at work, so at least I was getting paid. I seriously have no idea how this series ever got big.

I will not recommend this series for any reason, even to a thirteen year old.

Oh also how the heck does a 90 year old fall in love with a 17 year old? She wasn’t very attractive. Only perverts and weirdos past the age of about 21 would ever pay the slightly attention to an average looking 17 year old high schooler and all their drama crap.

Run Time Apprx 64 hours.

★☆☆☆☆ 1/5 Stars

Book Listing:
New Moon

Breaking Dawn

Genre: Romance, Fantasy, Young-Adult, Fiction

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